


Cycles

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Episode: s02e06 Sworn To The Sword, Ficlet, Gen, Slavery, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 09:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: It’s not until you shout that you realize what you’ve been doing, the extent to which you’ve been projecting.You'd been trying to turn Connie into a Pearl.





	Cycles

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a repost of something I posted a few days ago. A lot of it remains the same, but I didn't love the lack of agency that the other piece seemed to attribute to Pearl, so I took it down to tweak and play with it a bit. I'm much more satisfied with this version.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

“ _Why won’t you just let me do this for you, Rose?!_ ”

It’s not until you shout that you realize what you’ve been doing, the extent to which you’ve been projecting.

You…you thought that you _related_ to Connie. (“If something dangerous comes along,” she’d said. “I don’t wanna be a burden—I wanna help! I want to be _there_ for Steven to fight by his side!”) And it had been so natural to think of yourself, how you’d felt in those first few hundred years when Pink started all of it. You wanted so desperately to _help_ her, fight for her, but you were just a _Pearl_ , you couldn’t fight, and you didn’t want to be a liability to her on the battlefield…

And you’d been _scared_. Clung to your purpose and programming as the only crutch—to use a human metaphor—you had. The possibility of your own destruction terrified you, _paralyzed_ you…But when you thought about the possibility of _her_ destruction, instinct kicked in, and any hesitation you had caught up in your own Gem for your own sake fled as you rushed to defend your Diamond.

You didn’t matter. And that thought gave you strength.

And you’d wanted that for...wanted Connie to…

(You’d been trying to turn Connie into a Pearl.) 

You shudder. The sword in your hand clatters to the ground.

“Did Rose make you feel like you were nothing?” Connie asks, a moment later, a concern that you don’t deserve etched in her voice, and you have to laugh.

 _Nothing?_ Rose had done everything within her immense power to convince you, her _Pearl_ , that you were your own agent, that you had _worth_ on your own, despite all that you were programmed to think and feel, all that your society had taught you about yourself. “Rose made me feel like I was _everything_.”

And it had been wonderful. 

( _This is very not allowed._ )

(And it had been _terrifying_.)

You’d wanted this life, wanted _freedom_ , you _had_ , but when you finally received it—when Pink was gone and only Rose remained—the world ceased to make sense. If you weren’t her Pearl anymore…who were you? _What_ were you? 

(Freedom had been so much easier in your illicit imagination.)

By then, the old crutches were comfortable, even if this time, you reached for them of your own accord. Even if your devotion came from somewhere else now, had blossomed out of your programming to become its own creature—beautiful and real and terrifying if ever you thought too hard about it and its origins. 

Rose never knew just how much she had taken from you when she told you that she didn’t want you risking your destruction for her, and you never told her. She’d wanted you to be equals, fight side by side, protect each other and be protected in turn. But you couldn’t, even if you pretended to. _Serving_ her—even of your own free will—was all you had.

But, thank the Stars, it’s not all Connie and Steven have.

They _want_ to protect each other, fight for one another, as equals. This, you realize suddenly, is the dream Rose fought for. It’s the dream _you_ fought for, even if you never quite managed to bring it to fruition for yourself.

And who are you to stop them?

“I see now how deeply you two care about each other,” you say, shaking the tears out of your eyes and placing a hand on Connie’s shoulder like an apology. “That will make you both great knights!”

Steven smiles. 

(You hope, somewhere in him, Rose is smiling too.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I love comments!


End file.
